Your Word for 2025
A friend asked me what word was I choosing to focus on in 2025. I hadn’t given it a thought, so I took a few minutes to ponder this new idea. After a minute, one word popped into my head. I replied, “Fearless!” I’ve always wanted to be less fearful and have more peace and joy in my life. After making this decision, I thought it only polite to ask her what her word for the year was. She said “Perspective.” I thought about that for a minute and remembered a great story I share when teaching conflict management. Here it is.
Seven Thanksgivings ago, a good friend of mine, Meg, decided she wanted to take her family of four camping in Big Bend, Texas to do something different for the holidays. Instead of the traditional turkey and dressing feast most of us enjoy, Meg would be serving reconstituted turkey breasts, dried mashed potatoes, and pecan pie in a tube, while soaking in the beautiful scenery of West Texas. I had an immediate visceral reaction. I hate camping. I remember how horrible Girl Scout campouts were. Smelly latrines, bad food, thin sleeping bags, and grandaddy long leg spiders hanging from tent corners, all came to mind.
That particular Thanksgiving morning turned out to be very cold and windy, so Meg’s family decided to stay in their sleeping bags a little longer before embarking on a pre-breakfast hike. Minutes after making this decision, Meg’s son screamed while scrambling out of his sleeping bag. He felt something “funny” moving around near his feet.
He unzipped his sleeping bag and found a tarantula about eight inches in diameter, who had also decided to stay in a warm place instead of venturing out in the cold. Being a fearful person and wimpy camper, I can’t help but wonder how long the tarantula had been in there!
I was intrigued to find out they spared the tarantula’s life and gently relocated it outside their tent, and away from their campsite. Meanwhile that very same day, I was having a very different kind of Thanksgiving. Mine included a dozen guests and a meal my ancestors had prepared for generations. Nothing scary or different.
A few days later Meg and her family returned home, and we compared stories. When I heard what happened, I said, “There is no way I would have spent another minute in that tent! I would have packed up my stuff and taken my family home!” Meg replied, “There’s no way I would have had a house full of people over for a traditional Thanksgiving meal that I had to cook! THAT would scare me to death!” I think we both had trouble understanding each other’s decision about how to spend our holidays.
Perspective
This is an example of very different experiences, and the important role perspective plays when communicating with others. We formulate our perspective based on our limited backgrounds and familiarity with situations, and we judge negatively when it’s different from our own. If we are going to try to understand one another, we must slow down the conversation, and take time to truly listen to each other. Listening to understand, rather than respond is the key.
Days later, when I took the time to sit with Meg and listen, I learned so much more. I discovered Meg had lost her brother a month before Thanksgiving and didn’t want to be home for the holidays. It was too painful. She grew up with three brothers. Camping and backpacking were part of her childhood and these activities brought back positive family memories. This was so different from my life experience. I grew up with a sister, and had multiple disastrous camping failures. I was drawing on these memories when initially listening to Meg’s Thanksgiving tale.
Fearless
While Meg and I had a friendly conversation about our Thanksgivings, differing perspectives can bring conflict and challenges to a relationship. Are you in a conflict with someone or having a difficult time understanding why someone has done something? I have a quick mediator’s trick to share. Find an appropriate time to say to the person with whom you disagree, “The story I’m telling myself about what you have said or done is (fill in the blank).” When you say this, you are revealing your private thoughts and perspective, and putting it out into the open to determine if your perspective is correct. This simple exercise opens up opportunities for connection and correction. You are clearing it up as you go. Conflict can be scary. Try this and join me in my fearlessness. Perhaps my word for 2025 will also include “happy camper!”